Boyfriend girlfriend what do I do?
Searching for a Soul mate, may take forever.
But making a pit stop on this lonely planet only for a short while, we may find each other.
But Destiny is in the Hands of Allah as to who we Marry.
This is the most personal Nasiha-personal advise I’ll give and its when I was falling for a girl, I always had the intention to get married when I was with her. This happened many years, we used see each other, but the problem became I was in love but she wasn’t. You listen to English/Asian Love songs without listening, they’re just songs but when your in love you actually listen to the meaning of them and they carry some weight, and the meaning reaches out to you of your beloved, it takes you into an utopian state (the perfect place) were very thing is perfect.
What you don’t realise is you’re NOT in Love its just Lust?. Because your Ego-Nafs will put you into denial and confusion. They say Love is Blind, this is very true, it blinds you from seeing Haqq- Truth from Batil- False. (seeing things how they really are if put them into perceptive –which includes your family her family, the future, thinking about children live together. And so forth) Then attitudes change this is because your seeing with the eyes of Lust not really Love. Real Lovers were only a few the best of them were Layla and Majanu (and they were Ta’bian by the way).
Today its only Lust sorry to say with most people, not all cases. Why because of all the brain-washing junk Movies we watch of Batil Bollywood and Hollywood movies of so-called love, which is only dreams and desires made-up by kafirs thinking of a heavenly life. Most people are like the eyes, when Hungary they can eat more than the stomach. You say ‘oh I can eat a horse’! Rubbish your Nafs can, you can’t, when you’re hungry you go to the dinner table and your eyes want to put everything on the plate. Oops after 10 minutes I’m full, I cant eating anymore, and the plate is more then half full, of food plied like a mountain.
The same is true when you’re with a girl, you think your in love with, you maybe Allahu-alim! Maybe your good for each other maybe you’re not how do you know? (that’s my point). The senses of desires will work over time for that is the nature of the Ego. I’m not a judge but this is only an observation from personal experience that you seriously need to think about.
Its either love or most liking Lust. Its true the heart can really love one person, not 5 women, and maybe that’s only once in a lifetime. And maybe the person you love is next to you, but you cant have them, that’s loving someone from far yet so close.
Note: Imam ghazaili’s book of the Two Desires is a very rich source of sufic wisdom with much more about this subject.
It says what is in the heart cant be controlled and what’s in the hand can be, that’s why there no reckoning for falling in love with a women, but it can be a disease a sickness if it affects your worship.
A disease which needs to be cured or tamed at lest. With me I remember thinking of her in my Salaat – Prayer, which made my pray difficult for me at one stage in my life. I did the Spiritual Prayer of Guidance, and I found a different girl in my dreams (the girl I was in love, wasn’t practicing or anything of that sort, the most she’d make is a great girlfriend but a bad wife) the girl I saw was a beautiful caring hijabi , that would make any man happy.
So I knew she wasn’t the one to marry. The problem with us and using Istakharah is, you sometimes want what your ego wants and Istakharah will tell you something else, and you may get very upset about it and even NOT listen to the Istakharah. I knew I wasn’t going to have her, after the Istakharah (Allah knows who is best for a wife not the ego). But feelings just not disappear in a vacuum for a person. It took some time to get over her, I could only do with Dhikr as a remedy to kill the pain. Some things are meant to be, others however you try, they wont work. I knew it, but had problems trying to let go.
The thing with Muslims who have never lived with their girl/boyfriends like kafirs do, is all you see is there pretty little faces and clothes when they came out. What you don’t see is how are they at home, if you were to live with the person you like, suddenly you may get a different picture of them. Then you may think Ahhhh.. is this the person I’m going to spend all my life with.? Have you seen them in the morning without make-up and not dressed all nice? The thing to look in a person is, what kind of wife would they be if you have children.
One Shaykh said 40 days is all you need to know if you want to get married, after that you will get Shaytan whispering doubts into your ears, but some will take only 3 days others just one day. But the maximum of 40 days, then you’ll see problems and doubts coming your way.
Someone asked me should I pray because I also have a girlfriend? I replied at lest your not the other way (Gay) he then smiled and we laughed then I said ‘yes, if anything your in much need of pray then anything, as for your girlfriend is she Muslim. Then you have two choices one marry her and make it halaal or stop wasting her time and your time and have first the intention for marriage and then find someone you like and get married’
In regards of seeing someone you like, you must take them only in a public place, this way less chance of shaytan making you, commit sexual behaviour. Make sure its not for the reason of having a girl/boyfriend or to just pass time. Stop and think would I want this person to be my partner for life. Will she or he be a good father/mother. Because looks don’t go very fast if its looks your just after, marry for Deen of course you finding them attractive, is part of getting married, but that must not be the sole reason. You must do Istakharah.
If your married and your friends are not and are looking, then its good to help them. By inviting your wife’s sister or brother in Islam to dinner and the same for the husband, invited your sister or brother in Islam to dinner.
Sometimes if your trying to get someone married to just trick them in coming to dinner or just don’t let them what your up to (playing match maker), and bring both people to dinner. They will behaviour maybe normal if they don’t already know that the person coming to dinner is some one you want them to consider in marriage. After you may throw a few hints to them, So what did you think of him or her.? And slowly throw in, would you consider marrying them? It does work, some people just need a helping hand in finding a partner.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:- Destiny is in the Hands of Allah as to Who we Marry ( there are three things that are written, your death, you wealth and who you marry) So don’t complain with your Qadr-Destiny as this is part of you Iman as a Muslim.